Hey gang...
No regular post this week...
Just a pretty humorous/comical joke below... we'll be back next week to recap the Colts big win and the performance by "The Who" at halftime... and yeah whatever news there is in our fine industry.
Have a good week all...
Q . What is an Economic Stimulus payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers....
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A. Shut up or you don't get your check..
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China ..
2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia ..
3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala ..
5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..
7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.
Or , you can keep the money in America by :
1. spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2. going to baseball or football games, or
3. hiring prostitutes, or
4. buying cheap beer or
5. getting tattoos.
These are the only wholly-American-owned businesses still operating in the US ..
Conclusion :
The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you're drunk enough to go get tattooed ..
4 comments:
Max,
you seen the cost of tickets for decent seats at a game recently, nevermind the beer, especialy at an athletic event, also.
more realistic would be a couple of $0.50 scarves at the yard sale, a seat warmer of course would be the jackpot, sneak into a parkinglot where you can see part of the big screen, listen to the commentary on the radio and cook a couple of dogs on the portable BBQ ( buns from the day old store) while taking in all this experience. Forget the tattoos - way out of your range, and the prostitute will only stay as long as the food is hot, the beer is cold and the car you rented doesn't have to be back by midnight to get the 1/2 price special.
You probably met the "girlfriend" at the yard sale you were having to try and get enough money to pay next (or this) months mortgage....so.....put on a jacket turn the heat down low and the imagination up.....thats about the only way we will get through, unless you are getting paid bags of money to put a positive front on the Stimulus....and there is a bunch of those guys.
Just heard today in NY the MTA is going to be about $400m behind by budget time....their spokesman said they are going to "pursue other methods of Revenue"
since their revenue making equipment is pretty much being used (tough to pick and move bridges, tunnels and trains today...Fares would be the no brainer "other method"
Now even the guys who have a job can't afford to get there.
Oh, Oh...almost forgot, one other method or revenue they may pursue is the glass industry, All the Stimulus money so far has hit auto. banking and other high profile..you know who, MTA said a couple of scaffolds floating around NYC shouldn't be that difficult....all you have to do is be the lowest bidder to get in.
And look at all the free publicity you get when the fall onto the roads beneeth..... Do you know how much advertising costs on the big networks....check it out when you are in parkinglot Y. sipping nasty beer with a girl with indigo and fuscia hair, sloppy hot dogs and buns with green patches. Don't think about heat....gas is not in the budget,
maybe if you got an electric car you can abandon after the game when th ebatteries are worn out.
enjoy
Jim F.
Perfect - and if you're in a union and have lost you job and shop at Wal-Mart it serves you right...
Jim, I agree with you regarding no tattoos (you would have to live with them when things turn around), however, I believe you missed the point about the prostitute(s). The GOOD news is that they would only stay around for a while! This will enable you to spread reasonable amounts of the stimulus money around to multiple citizens in your area or across the nation if you are in sales and marketing (like Max.)
The relationship with prostitutes would keep the money in the stimulus effort in lieu of paying some over priced doctor to give your significant other a "spiritual" lift. Remember the result of the lifting is often the appearance of someone outside the industry and loss of what little you have left.
Maybe we could make some money selling bumper stickers saying "Support the Economy - Keep the Working Girls Working!" Just think how much it would help if there was one of these stickers on the back of every glass truck in North America!
Don't know if any of you were around when the prostitutes in Paris went on strike. Seems the "locals " didn't want them around parks and other tourist areas. After 2 weeks of negotiation with the prostitutes union, yes, union, the strike was over. Not because of the locals, police or anything else, other than the demise of other local business in the area. I assume postitutes and customers have to eat too?
Prostitutes , like tatoos , stay around for as long as you pay them to, or as an actor once said "I pay them to leave in the morning".
Anyway Prostitutes and tatoos have been around for thousands of years and probabley will be for thousands more, before , during and after the stimulus money is long gone.
Last thought, besides do prostitutes shop in Wal-Mart?, if we didn't use the services of prostitutes before the economy went bust, why the need or thought process that this will put us back on track - non taxable, no SSI, Fica, (unemployment?) or any busines deductions. Maybe Obama should try that.....vote for me, prostitutes will be 1/2off and costs tax deductable, sure he would get the female vote.
Last,last thought, some of us do actually go to glass shows to try and learn something, but that will not sell bumper stickers or elect Presidents.
Now all the "fun" is over....lets get back to the good old GLASS Industry.
Jim F
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